Taarna, Queen of Teenage Boy Boob and Bondage Fantasy

I can't explain why I watched Heavy Metal this morning; I've put it off every other day since 1981. But it's been in my Netflix "Watch it Now" queue and after a long hot walk to the Farmer's Market, I came home, plopped down in my air-conditioned reading nook, and clicked "Play."

I've got nothing against ridiculously large breasts on top of weirdly small waists or movies in which every woman who comes on the screen faces the audience head on to disrobe and then dons dominatrix gear, but really, the movie stinks. The integration of music and action isn't very good and even in terms of retro animation it leaves a lot to be desired.



I remember seeing ads for the movie when it came out and hearing the Don Felder song on the radio all the time. The movie in my imagination was way cooler. In my version Taarna would have a better ride than a giant pigeon. Maybe that Corvette the astronaut in the first scene gets to drive?